• KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

• PLATO: For the greater good.

• ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

• HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

• MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

• BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

• MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

• KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

• MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
• FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

• DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

• RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road, it transcended it.

• EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

• ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

• TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

• CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

• FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

• JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

• OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

• COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

• RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

• SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

• KENNETH STARR: Because of the Whitewater deal.

• BILL CLINTON: I did not have a sexual relation with that chicken.