The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an fool.

11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to hurt you -- badly.

10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like "thish".

9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your pants. : )

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.